somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
