Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
