For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
