she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
