Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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