Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
