I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
