the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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