Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
