Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
