Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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