I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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