Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
