It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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