so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
