On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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