Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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