He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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