He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize