actually, I'm a sock model
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
