i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Randomize
