if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
