theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
