I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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