I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
