its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
