All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
