i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
