im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Still dying that you shit outside
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
