i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize