did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
