I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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