hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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