I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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