If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
