What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
