I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
