I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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