i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
