That's intense
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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