OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
