I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
