Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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