If i come over, it means nothing
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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