I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
