I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
