The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
