I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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