turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize