I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
