Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
