i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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