would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
