Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
