he shaved USA in his pubs
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
