Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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