You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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