I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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