Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
