It's chlamydia! Thank God!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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