I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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