she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
