**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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