we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
