Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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