Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
