Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
