what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
