i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
